Wednesday 15 April 2009

It's Been Seven Hours and Fifteen Days

Sleep is for the weak. It’s true. At first I was moaning about the fact I didn’t have any time to sleep, but now I realise that’s a good thing. The past week has been the busiest I’ve been in a long while, literally did next to no relaxing. Fucking love it! Absolute madness. Bear in mind when reading this, if you read the previous weeks blog.. I haven’t actually had a day of nothing since the Thursday before!

Monday – Woke up feeling alot more hungover than I had been planning(seeing as i hadn’t planned on drinking the night before! Doing the phone job 12-6, it was pretty quiet.. but tbh probably a good thing considering I was fucked. Finished that and was ready to go to bed about 7. Steel was like ‘can i have my leads back please’ I couldn’t get in touch with Andy(his leads were there) so i played some fifa. Finally got in touch with Andy and went to get the leads. It was a very tough walk. Took me fucking ages. Got the leads to Steel then hit the hay! Thus passes the only day of the week where I didn’t drink......

Tuesday – Phone job 12-6. I had to phone through a database asking people if they wanted to attend a finance seminar. A lot of the numbers were churches and stuff. I felt kindof bad cos a priest was like ‘we are a monastery.. this is Holy Week.. A very quiet time for us.. We don’t want to attend a finance seminar.’ I apologized and he said ‘God Bless’ Does that count as confession? Finished at 6. Started at Biddy’s at 7. Pretty good night. This American couple of couples gave me loads of tips. There was an acoustic guy doing a covers set.. Good tunes, but very average. The worst was when he tried to do long notes or falsetto.. cringeworthy. I was planning on going straight home after. Maybe getting a kebab. The 2 Seans convinced me to go to dropkicks... i need some sleep haha. But I went, and it was cool. Just had a couple pints.. and a jager. And a vodka. Hayden was absolutely fucked by the time we got there. Good lad, doing some pretty funny dancing. We spent ages talking about tattoos. As I went up candlemaker row, the others went down. I shook Haydens hand, and as he turned he fell and rolled down the hill. Such a funny sight. Looked funny as fuck though!

Wednesday – Phone job 12-3. Felt a little tender, but not too bad. Craig sat in with me for a bit.. and thought it was funny that I essentially just lie to people on the phone. Can’t remember what I did that afternoon. Met Lima to watch the football. We were gonna go to the Cuckoos nest. I swear to god last time I was there, there was football on. Apparently not. Fuck what do we do. Spent the next 40 minutes trying to find a pub to watch the football. Ended up in Bierex where Jonesy was there. Liverpool played pretty rubbish in the second half. Our plan to not drink fell down the pan. Didn’t have that much.. but still. Went to Drouthy Neebors for a bit too, I seen Ritchie and Rod in there. Lima was convinced I had arranged to have my friends bump into me to try and impress her. Yeah and I deliberately had us meet at a pub which doesn’t show football. Her flatmate came in too. Went back to her flat to play some Ludo and listen to some Swedish music. Stayed there because it was raining.. bad move.. I had to get up at 6am cos she had work..

Thursday – Got back to the flat about 7. Nowhere was open to give me breakfast. I bought some orange juice in a newsagent. I thought I was gonna have to teach, but turns out that cos it’s easter holidays I’m off teaching for a couple weeks! Pretty good cos it gave me a chance to rest! Even for a little bit. Started at biddy’s 7. John had organised a big night out, and I actually quite fancied going to meet them for a power hour. (the hour of power). Pretty average night at Biddys. It was fairly busy. I was on the back bar myself for most of the night. There was a band in who were cool. Got away about 145, made it to the hive for 2. Everyone was smashed. Started on the double Soco and coke. The barman was a legend, after buying the first drink he was just like ‘the usual?’. John came up to him and was like ‘i’m getting served next’ the boy told him to fuck off. Good lad. John.. don’t be a dick. I hammered through the drinks. Went for a dance. Checkout number 7 and 3 were there. I had put my hood on my head and danced like a beast. Mikes mate mani was there. I said something to him and he was like ‘mate your a fucking genius’(or something.. it was a good moment). For some reason(bearing in mind, i’m not as drunk as everyone else at this point) we all took our tops off and danced on the stage. We even had like 5 randoms join us. Pretty funny. Bumped into Jamesy, he was with some bird.. so I danced with her mate. Some good dancing I must admit. It was ideal, because she had a bag i could put my jumper in. There was an afterparty at johns, but me and Jamesy got these girls on a bus. I then pissed in a letterbox and we got a taxi. We beat Aidan and Mike to johns. John was playing Piano(drunkenly). There was a puppy there called Eddy(effie) and some pretty nice pizza. For what ever reason, John threw Me, Mike and Aidan down the stairs. And then threw an armchair, and a pine chair(i’m not sure why i keep calling it a pine chair.. i have no idea what kind of wood it was) down the stairs at us. That was so dangerous haha! Could have ended up in disaster. John somehow cut his gun, it deflated. Oh i almost forgot about the milkshake.. Mike was drinking a milkshake out of the cup of destiny(a tin cup which hasn’t been washed for over 80 years). I seen the funniest tea pot.. and next to it was an even funnier tea pot. Mike spilled the milkshake over the floor, and used johns clean trousers to mop it up. John chased us with Numchuks. John seriously, that’s not a joke.. you will kill someone with them(he just missed mikes head, and made a massive dent in the door). Eventually went to bed, James had stolen Finlays bed, and i had to sleep underneath that.. With no real covers. Gutted.

Friday – Felt pretty rough when I got up around 9. Considering I went to bed at like 6 – no suprise. Chilled about in the morning, John did a lot of tidying.. I did a bit(well i made my bed). We took Eddy for a walk. I got him to chase me. Went up to mikes eventually and had a bacon sandwich. Made plans to go for the pizza hut buffet. Got the bus up to Polwarth and tried to get in touch with steel. He wasn’t having it so we rang his bell.. his flatmate Ben answered, steel was in the shower. He was listening to quite a cool band, can’t remember who. I could have used this time to shower.. but noooo. So we went down to pizza hut. Walking past santans, this old homeless guy goes to us(in an American accent) ‘You gotta get your shit together’ I looked at him.. unsure what to say.. Steel just goes ‘for sure brother’ and the guys like ‘right on’. Steel speaks the language. Brilliant. We got to Pizza hut and the girls like ‘the buffets not on because it’s a bank holiday, but there is this happy hour menu’ we were just like ‘Lets do it!’ and she was like ‘yeah let’s do it!’ Let’s do it! It was £14 for 4 people(you get a pizza, garlic bread and a drink each) but there was only 3 of us. We asked if we could still order for 4. She was like yeah. We didn’t know what to order for the invisible man though. It was pretty good though, we got a big jug of coke, more garlic bread and an extra pizza. Pretty good. I wasn’t even that hungry though, so tired. Still eat lots of food. We had a good chat about stuff. Mainly just utter shite. There was a family next to us and we just heard the mum shouting at the kid ‘shut it you’. It reminded Steel of a time when he heard a mum telling their kid ‘shut your face or i’l kick your cunt in’.. fucking mental. I think we agreed Pizza hut should be a weekly thing. We were unsure on etiquette at the end.. do we leave the money on the table or give it to someone. We left it on the table, and hoped the family of delinquents didn’t pick it up! Went up to mine and played Fifa. I beat steel 5-0. He was rubbish.. but it was an amazing game. Every goal i scored was fucking amazing. The first one I took it round the keeper and walked it into the net. The next one was an overhead kick. The 3rd one I passed the ball across the box and backheeled it into the net. The next I chipped the keeper. I think the 5th may have been a belter from 30 yards. This was all in the first half.. I never got a goal into him in the 2nd half! Jumped in the shower, listened to some Gaga. Played some more fifa. Andy called me at 630.. apparently i was meant to start at 6.. I had been convinced 100% it was a 7 start. Ran in. Decent shift.. it wasn’t actually that busy for a Friday night. It looked busy mobbed from where i was at the back bar, but as soon as you went past the toilets it was dead. Because of this we were able to have everything that we could possibly have done by 1 oclock done. Got away pretty much on 130. I had been planning on going to the hive myself to meet up with Aij, Mike, and all the girls. Everyone from Biddys was up for coming, so we had a proper crew with us. I went in to faith to say hi to john.. he was wrestling some guy on the ground who was shouting ‘why are you hurting me’. Apparently he was a racist or something. Headed on up to the hive. I was completely ready for catch up time. Or so I thought.
Got into the hive, immediately met Becca and Lois. Went to the bar, got ahold of our regular Jager-pourer – who is pretty sound actually, I like her – I ordered.. 2 jager bombs, and 4 double whisky and cokes. I asked her for a pint glass, and she was like ‘whats it for..? because i only have 4 and i need them for beer’. I said i was planning on pouring all my drinks into it, just so it’s easier to carry, but if she couldn’t spare it then it didn’t matter. She was like ‘na i’l give you it’. I also asked for a straw. I then took a sip of the drink, and my god.. I think all the whisky had gone to the top.. it was absolutely horrid. Ugh. But nonetheless, i had just spent £17 on drinks..and i was gonna drink it. Went to find people.. found all the folk from biddys, who it looked like they weren’t up for the crazy binge i was doing. No wonder.. why was i doing it! Btw.. there was a funny situation happening at this point.. but i shan’t utter it hear, if anyone wants to know then ask. I found it hilarious tho. Found Annie and Roisin and Lois and Shona and danced with them, Annie announced her undying love for me and said she would kill me if i didn’t go to her party. I told her i was going over and over again.. i actually need to find a way to make it to this party. I still hadn’t found mike or aij. I was quite intent on finding them. I Dispatched a search party. A crap search party, but a search party nonetheless. Laura said she had found them, i told her to bring them to me. She didn’t. Fair enough i guess. I got another drink in.. only 2 double whiskys this time.. bad chat haha. Laura asked if i was just drinking a pint of coke, i said yes. Gave her a taste and her reaction was so funny. I think i spoke to Katy for a while aswell.. or maybe i spoke to laura about katy. Unsure. Found them. Well i found Aidan who was with Paramore(I can now see why this is insulting to her.. Paramore isn’t actually that hot, i now realise she’s ganting. Lucy, you are much better looking than Hayley Williams, just learn how to sing like her and you are absolutely minted for life). They directed me to mike, in the cocktail bar. I convinced some guy to walk up to mike with me hiding behind him(kindof like a Trojan horse) and i jumped out on him and Ahmed. Went for a dance with Lucy, and i bust her nose open. I felt so bad, but it was so funny cos she didn’t really notice it was bleeding. Oops... That’l teach her to dance with me. Met the Biddy’s crew, Mike was like ‘man..why are all these people wearing the same T shirt as you. And why are they so hot?’ haha. We went for a dance, and by now it must’ve been like 2.55. Things get a bit hazy here.. I was trying to get people back to the flat, to drink my 3 cans of tenants and craigs bottle of vodka.. probably a good idea that no one came ha. Me, Laura and Lois went back to Ahmeds. I was really drunk by this point, Ahmed wouldn’t let anyone pay for the taxi.. good lad. I apparently spent some time outside throwing up, before going up and throwing up some more.. Ahmed called a taxi and gave me money for it. What a legend haha. I owe him a drink or 8 haha. Got home, got a bowl for my bed and went to sleep.

Saturday – Woke up feeling pretty goosed. The good thing being i hadn’t thrown up in my bowl, i only spat in it once. I went on spotify and listened to all the different versions of Nothing Compares To You. And i have no idea why. Our shower had been blocked by hair(apparently mine, but I don’t accept that) and was turning into a bath the more showers we had. So me and Craig did an extensive clean of the bathroom, it was epic. And quite effective. We made gloves out of plastic bags. I attempted to throw our bag of rubbish onto the street, but i didn’t. Craig went in the shower, i started watching the football. 25 seconds and JVoH had scored.. it was a shit goal, but fucking great! The rest of the game was pretty crap, ended 1-1. Went down to daves for a practise. He was late again. That is game over. I went mental at him again. I was like ‘ I could’ve had an extra 10 minutes in bed!’ haha. Practised, Drove up to Studios, Soundchecked, Me and Dave went looking for some food. Dave made me drink beer. It wasn’t fair(but thanks for buying them) I could not handle it though. The deal had been for him to buy me a McDonalds.. instead, he bought me Smoked Salmon and Fajitas. Not your typical hangover food, but pretty fucking good nonetheless! Spent a good while talking about his house, and living conditions etcetc. He needs to be a hard assed landlord otherwise it will fall to pieces! We lost track of time and got back to studios for about 7.20. We were meant to be on at 8. Got some drinks in. Craig on bar duties. Beer was not going down well. Not well atall. We made full use of the dressing room, hanging up coats etc. These crazy young cats(your typical neddy young kid band who think they’re the bees knees) were sitting with us. Pretty funny, I was so fucked from the night before so i was just talking pish to them. Cormac was talking to them too, but he didn’t really know what was going on. Went and played our set. It was pretty cool.. although i wish the guy from emergenza would stop trying to set my bass up for me.. Just leave it alone. Pretty good set..considering it was the first time the 5 of us had played together in over a month. Andy taylor was there after, had a good chat with him. Promised I’d take him out to get pished with us. That neddy band did a cover of supersonic which i thought was pretty ace(also totally lame.. i mean come on). I moved onto the double vodka and red bull because I just couldn’t handle the beer. After the bands had finished we went up for a chat with our legend of a promoter(i actually love him), all the bands were getting told about the next gig and asking questions and stuff. It was so funny, everyone was so serious. I was just asking stupid questions that didn’t even make sense. Basically to stall so that I didn’t have to leave. I chummed Craig up to get change for the bar, and we went everywhere but could not get any change! Eventually got some at the Slug and Lettuce. The manager was pretty sound, and me and craig made gestures behind her back which were funny. We went back to tell the bouncers from walkabout that we had got some change.. why.. I’m not sure, but craig said it was nice to be nice. Some girl had been chatting craig up during the gig apparently, We went out and craig was like ‘what’s happenin’ and her boyfriend glared angrily.. so funny. Or sorry, it was fuckin brilliant. Got back to studios and I remembered that people always say to me ‘when your ready’ when they try and get served, but be polite. So i was like to craig ‘when your ready...’ i don’t know if he got it tho haha! I then went on a search to find my bandmates.. i couldn’t find anyone. I was like fuck. Tried phoning them, nothing. Eventually got in touch with Dave who said they were in the Black bull because they were having to pay to get into studios. So basically.. I was on my norman. I spoke to mate in the cloakroom for a while, but A bit too much cos my drunken chat was annoying him ha. Cameron came down, and I spoke with him for a while. He said he didn’t like just standing talking, so I danced with him too, and he twirled me a round which was a bit strange. Drunk some more.. sent drunken texts.. Changed contacts in my phone to reflect peoples ages.. just wanted to pretend like i had friends haha. After what seemed like an eternity.. Kara, Gillian, Harry and Rory came! Managed to add them all to Craig’s guest list which was really cool. Went in, introduced them to craig and we started drinking. I was pretty drunk by this stage.. We danced and sang ‘Take Me Down To the Paradise City’ aswell as various other songs. It was brilliant. We decided Studios is the new hive. If only other people we knew went there.. Kieron and Dunc and stuff were there too. Kara, Gee, Haz and Roz left at some stage. I remember Craig saying to me ‘good effort man, you’ve had loads of vodka’, then apparently he found me wandering about on my own.. i went upstairs to ‘help’ him clear the bands room, although I just watched. Then went down, he gave me a shot of Sambuca and I left. Now this is where I don’t know what happened. I remember walking through the meadows with Jo.. and we walked to Liam’s party. However, I don’t know where I met her.. because I’m pretty sure she wasn’t at Studios.. which would lead me to believe I maybe went to the hive. Hmmmmm.
(update!) having spoken with Jo, apparently i did meet her in the hive.. although i have no idea why i was in the hive!
Got to the party, Don’t know what happened, or who was there, but loads of people were there, and they all left! I was gonna go sleep in the box room, but for some reason I played basketball in hashy’s room for ages... good lad. Thus began a night of the utmost shite being talked. It was fucking ridiculous the amount of nonsense that was being talked and covered. It was me, Harry Potter, that guy from JLS and one of the twins from big brother – there may have been more people there at some stage, but i’m not really sure. There was so much stuff we were talking about and doing, I cannot for the life of me remember half of it – but it was one of these situations(as the twin pointed out in the morning) that anything we said, we laughed at.. even if it wasn’t funny atall. It was funny though. I went through all the versions of Nothing Compares to you again, amazing. We watched this guy called Chi City..basically a black gangster style guy who has been given a parking ticket and sets out to kill the ticket.. ‘hit it with a freezepop’ ‘hit it with a whole gang of freeze pops’ ‘soap to ya dome bitch’. Its fucking funny, check it out on youtube. We then started trying to see who everyone’s lookalike was. Harry potter kept singing snow patrol at me, so I re-enacted the video from chasing cars. The twin was trying to show us how Sam looks like the kid with the drum in Glosiola by Sigur Ros.. but she paused it at this bit, and there was just like rocks and stuff. The sound was muted too. When she unpaused it, a fox appeared. I swear to god i have never laughed so much in the past 5 minutes. I promised them that I would make Nick dress up in a Thunderbirds costume. Also, how gutted would you be if you were Thunderbird 5? The other guys get to fly all over the place and attack people and save the world.. Thunderbird 5 just sits in his space station not eating any solids. Fuck all happens up there. We spent ages trying to find stuff on spotify.. stuff like Mass Dynamo Syncopation etc. It eventually became morning, and JLS man turned into a sheep, and the twin fell asleep. Me and Harry Potter were the hardcore ones who just didn’t go to bed. I managed to convert Harry to the Christian faith.. even though we couldn’t figure out what exactly happened at easter.. Jesus got pashed and fell into a cave.. woke up two days later. Some slightly Blasphemus stuff. He quite liked the idea that no matter what you did, how bad it was, you can just go to a priest and he’l be like ‘bless you my child’ and your back into heaven! It’s barry.
It’s kindof hard to decide where Saturday ends and Sunday begins, but We’ll go with here!

Sunday - The sheep woke up and was like ‘shit.. Some guy was meant to phone me at 9 to sell my car.. He doesn’t have my number, but he has my postcode’. Uhh.. how do you think people phone you? Via your postcode..duuuh. At this point i was trying to leave, but I couldn’t find my shoes. Literally spent like 3 hours looking for them. I was pretty convinced I arrived with shoes. Hashy wouldn’t loan me any shoes even though he had about 300 pairs...Great lad. Stalker got up and we looked at all the photos from the night.. I wasn’t in any of them, so we took one and added that to the collection. Eventually I discovered that some girl was sleeping on top of my shoes, what a cow! I then left and walked up to my folks. Totally fucked, spoke to Kara on the phone and her voice was so distant to me. It was crazy. I was totally fucked. She googled easter and gave me the goods on what happened exactly. Got up to my folks and was fucked.. I think they must’ve been like what the hell is going on. It felt like I’d just got back from T in the Park. Got my mum to cut me out of my shoes then I went to bed. Crashed out for ages then woke up thinking I’d slept in for work. Actually I hadn’t, but it was a slight panic. Had some pasta and a bath, then I went back to the flat for like 15 minutes, then off to work. Work was an absolute struggle. I was so fucked. Also.. I thought Easter was a time for family etc, why the fuck do so many people go out drinking on Easter Sunday?? Dicks. There was a big brawl at 3 Sisters so it got closed and loads of folk from there came to Biddys. Great. Even busier. I just wasn’t functioning properly. It was so busy, and there wasn’t enough staff on, so things got pretty messy. A fair amount of broken glass about the place, no one able to clean it up.. aaah. I finally finished and went to Capadoccia for a nice juicy kebab. I met John in there who was absolutely cunted. It sounded like he’d been out on the pish, then called to go and help at the 3 sisters, then went back on the pish.. He gave me a present of a lighter, which was just the most thoughtful gift ever. I lit it on his face. Walking down the road, this girl was like ‘are you Kevin?’ I was like no, but do you want a chip? She declared me the nicest boy she’d ever met..that night. Oh thanks! I was like why did you think I was Kevin? Apparently she had been meeting this guy called Kevin.. oh fuck.. actually, yes I am Kevin!! I forgot. Got back to the flat, had a pint of milk and watched south park. It felt actually amazing to get to sleep. Actually amazing. Great sleep.

Next week – working more, drinking less trying to sleep more but it’s tough. Annie’s party on Saturday – I am seriously trying everything in my power to make it along. How far is it to cycle? If anyones up for giving me a lift, I shall pay you(not that much but some). Also trying to get insured on my dads new campervan..btw..its pretty cool. I don’t know what to do! I really need to make it to this party or Annie will kill me. Going Paintballing for the Chow’s birthday on Sunday. That’l be barry likes. I’m gonna try and not drink. But It’s Craig’s birthday tonight aswell. Hope this blog takes you as long to read as it took me to write!

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